Match Report vs Barry
Wanderers 09th August 2026 @ Hayes Point (Skipper Steveo,
report DT)
So, this was to be a report entitled "The return of
the King", and was going to involve Hobbits (guess who)
and a grey bearded wizard (again guess who). The "Returning
King" was to have been yours truly (in an Ashley Giles
"King of Sp(a)in" way). Unfortunately, i couldn't
find a way/couldn't be arsed to make it work. Instead I plan
to use this report to push my, much derided, nicknames for
the new members and also give some context of the old players
nicknames for new members. Starting with the line up for todays
game
1. Greg Cavanagh - or Gemma - the GC Gemma Collins
2 Steve O'Reilly - Steveo, Old Steve, Ugly Steve, Homeless
- really no other explanation needed. Gary as in Glitter (a
new one from tour)
3 Will Mason-Wilkes - Jesus - similarity was more obvious
before his close cropped haircut
4 Ed Stewart - Cheese - he works in Cheese - I have many more
nicknames for him but i will give the little guy a break after
this weekends tour
5 Gareth Loveridge - Luvvers and occasionally Sarge (he was
in the army)
6 Ed Stagg - Ned - as in Flanders
7 James Barber - Seville - as in Barber of.. Just a little
tip for new members (to late for James), never say you don't
like your nickname
8 Matt Davies - Grinchy - Green hair
9 Greg Penning - The General - as in GP General Practitioner
10 Paul Stephens - Pablo - Spanish for Paul, coined by a Spanish
speaking member (very boring but we have never come up/been
to scared to come up with anything else)
11 David Thomas - DT (obviously) DB - doughball for my bowling
and doughboy because my team are cunts, The Osprey - from
a run out i made from point (when i could bend down). Teabag
- i bought some shit teabags once (not what some of you may
be thinking). Treacle toes form my running style. You really
are a bunch of wankers
I will give you some more nicknames during the tea interval
Gemma and Gary opened the batting for the casuals on another
glorious summers day. Gemma with his family in attendance,
didn't last long being bowled in the 6th over for 3. He did
bring some lovely home made though. Jesus joined Gary in the
middle and together they put on 75 for the 2nd wicket with
many lusty blows for 4. The Steveo lottery was very disappointing
at the end of this season as he started scoring (it made a
glorious return on tour but i will leave that to Sanay (or
AI) and Cheese to tell that story.
Just thought of a nickname for Sanay - we discovered on tour
that Left and Right are a foreign language to him so i am
thinking Jimmy (as is cricket - older members will understand
- really bad Irish comic that wore wellies with L and R on
them) I am also considering Harold as in Shipman
Gary was next to fall, in the 13th over for 45 bringing Cheese
to the crease. So, a few overs earlier Cheese was suggesting
to Luvvers that as it was his only game this season he might
want to go in instead of him as he "wasn't planning on
getting out" as 6the bowling was not the best. Ah, Hubris
(word of the day for Goffy - new nickname Goofy other nicknames
include the pearly king) Cheese, do not offend the Cricketing
Gods. Icarus like, he walked out to the middle and was caught
off his third ball which was bowled by Jessica (her second
wicket in the over after bowling Steve) and caught for a duck,
i think by her boyfriend, both of whom are newcomers to the
glorious game. This brought Luvvers to the middle and with
will they took the total up to 147 and the end of the innings,
Jesus finishing on 47 (including 7 4's) and Luvvers on 31
(including 6 4's) (just for completeness Gary score 8 4's
Gemma and Cheese 0 4's). There was one incident involving
the opposition that is worthy of note, a skied ball was called
for by one player and another fielder ran towards it, didn't
get too close and the fielder who called didn't catch it.
This led to a friendly discussion ending with the skipper
of the Wanderers telling his player to shut the fuck up -
he then choose to fuck off after emptying all the toys from
his pram. Total 147-3 (BW actually batted first, The Cazh
chased it down, with 15 overs to sapre....but it was so long
ago that DT forgot that...)
So not a big total to defend - it was once again down to
the bowlers to save the day!
As promised some more nicknames and there etymology
Mark Stephens - Shakey - as in Stephens (for younger members
the Welsh Elvis, 70's and 80's popstar)
Joe Dilling - Heidi - shout out to Rob for this one - joe
dilling - yodelling - Heidi (Swiss literary icon)
James Hodkinson - Hands, Superhands and "fucking hell,
Jim" - from his keeping
Andy Munn - Shaneo, The Coach - Shaneo as in Warne and The
coach i think came from him walking his latest victim with
the ball from the field explaining to him exactly how he got
him out.
Richard Holliday - Ming - as in The Merciless from Flash Gordon
due to his beard
Robbie Sayer - Rupert - Formerly a Captain the His Majesty's
armed forces and all Officers are Rupert
Dan Lewis - Shagger - self explanatory i think
Hasnat - Granville - from is squad number 247 as in Open all
hours - tv show from the 80's with David Jason as Granville
Liam Forster - Diesel - from Four star Petrol (yes i know)
another one of my derided attempts
Benedict Watson - Sherlock - is in Cumberbatch and Dr Watson.
I myself would go for "Arnold" as in Benedict Arnold
the turncoat from the American war of independence but i can't
understand with we haven't gone for Eggsy as in Eggs Benedict
There are many more i could add but on with the motley
Not much in the scorebook to help me with the Wanderers innings
but, The General opened the bowling and whilst not taking
a wicket he ended with figures of 4-2-3-0 . Luvvers was the
other opening bowler and also bowled really well for his first
spell in about 2 years 4-0-12-0. DT (that's the one i am going
with) replaced Greg and Pablo came in for Luvvers. DT finished
on 8-1-29-2 and Paul on 6-0-27-0. second change brought The
Grinch and Ned on to bowl. The Grinch was the pick of the
bowlers in terms of wickets ending on 4-0-30-3 with Ned bowling
really well to end on 3-0-6-1. Third change Gemma and Gary
came on to Bowl Gemma finished on 2-0-12-0. No figures are
posted for Gary so i am unsure whether he did actually bowl.
Cheese ended the Wanderers innings with 2 balls 1st one 4
NB and the 2nd ball bowled. There was some comedy running
from the top order that led to 2 run outs for the Wanderers
with both out for 0. A tight win for the Casuals with Barry
scoring 145 all out
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