Match Report vs Centurions
6/06/2019 or Right-Armenius Over @ Wenvoe (Skipper
and report Jesus)
"It is the custom of the immortal gods to grant temporary
prosperity and a fairly long period of impunity to those whom
they plan to punish for their crimes, so that they may feel
it all the more keenly as a result of the change in their
fortunes."
Julius Caesar
In 9AD, nearing the height of its powers, the Roman Empire
suffered one of its greatest military humiliations. Three
legions, led by the inept Publius Quinctilius Varus, on a
long March from their Summer camp west of the River Weser,
were routed in the dank and ancient Teutoburg forest, in the
heart of modern-day Bavaria. The arrogant Varus and his legions,
lulled into a false belief in the general passivity and ineptitude
of the locals after a number of crushing defeats in previous
campaigns, underestimated the guile of their opponents, and
were undone in an ambush, the audacity of which was matched
only by the skill exhibited in its execution.
Not since has the world witnessed in one place such a decimation
of Roman military forces, but it is with this cautionary tale
in mind that we turn to the Thursday 7th June AD2019, and
Wenvoe, the storied setting for the Willow League Cup Quarter-Final
between Cardiff Casuals and Glamorgan Centurions…
After one minor thumb injury and 15 minutes of buggering
about with the Wenvoe Pavillion lock until we realised we'd
been using the wrong key, Stand in Captain Jesus eventually
tossed up with the Centurions skipper in the changing rooms.
Jesus lost the toss but the Centurions skipper put us in to
bat, which is what Jesus would have done anyway, so no harm
done. Will G and Kim opened up, Jesus' thinking being that
whichever one got out he'd still get to bat with a left-hander
and probably milk a few wayward deliveries (head-tap thinking.gif).
This seemed to work out quite nicely, as both batsmen looked
pretty good (Well Will G did, Kim looked pretty crap to be
honest) both surviving a decent opening two overs from Centurion
Carter-Chamberlain, bowling fairly quickly, swinging it and
getting appreciable movement off the pitch - Kim got at least
one delivery that was completely wasted on the likes of him.
After the good opening spell, Centurions introduced some of
their less good bowlers, which Kim and Will appreciated, moving
the score along nicely until Kim retired at some point (5
or 6 overs in but the book isn't clear).
This bought Jesus to the crease, determined to be less shit
than he has been for the rest of the season...he was somewhat
successful in this regard, Will G and Jesus moving the score
along at a good rate, though Jesus was a bit lucky to survive
an early drop at square leg. Will G was next to retire for
a well-made 25, and with two safely back in the hutch Jesus
decided it was time to kick on...this quickly led to him being
caught at gully by the stooping Carter-Chamberlain, but not
before he had hit a couple of boundaries and hoisted a straight
six over the club house, the Casuals first wicket falling
in the 10th over leaving them 88-1. Winks had joined Jesus
on Will G's retirement, batting with calm assurance and hitting
the odd boundary through cover. After Jesus was out Rob came
in. He made a few and was then bowled, bringing Steve-O to
the crease. Before he had even faced a ball, there was almost
a calamitous end to his innings, Winks pushing one to cover
and setting off leaving Steve-O to get those oaken thighs
pumping to try and make his ground (oaken lungs already very
warm as he shouted some abuse at the passing Winks)..only
the generosity (or ineptitude) of the Centurions keeper saved
Steve-O as he failed to gather the ball cleanly and dislodge
the bails.
After 12 overs the score was 97-2, a very decent start, with
the potential for a really competitive total if we could keep
up the pace. Steve-O and Winks kept the score moving, mostly
with hard run ones and twos, with Winky looking like he was
really feeling it. He managed, however, to survive and get
through to his own 25 and retirement. Going into the last
3 overs the instruction was swing from the hip and run everything,
which James, Richie and Goff all did with varying degrees
of success (though they scored 1 run between them, so maybe
not that varying) - James caught going for the big heave-ho
and Richie bowled doing the same. Steve-O, during this period,
if you can believe it marshalled the tail with something approaching
skill (i.e. luck) to keep on strike and the score moving.
Goffy was bowled from the first ball of the last over, bringing
DT to the crease (for his first bat of the year?), he dutifully
was bowled first ball, bringing Kim back in. Between Kim and
Steve, some excellent running and fairly ordinary fielding
the last over brought 6 valuable runs, taking the Casuals
to a handsome 140-7, with three retirees and Kim 30 not out
and Steve-O 13 not out. Centurions needed 141 to Win from
18.
Casuals batting
Will G - 25 not out (retired)
Kim - 30 not out
Will M-W - 16 caught
Rob - 6 bowled
Winks - 25 not our (retired)
Steve-O - 13 not out
James H - 1 caught
Richie - 0 bowled
Goffy - 0 bowled
DT - 0 bowled
Extras: W: 32, NB: 3,
Total 141-6
"Let me have men about me that are fat, Sleek-headed-men,
and such as sleep o'nights"
Julius Caesar
The Centurions opened the batting with their keeper and a
bloke in a helmet (plumeless, indicating his low rank) who
we'll call Nick. Goffy opened the bowling for the Casuals,
and Jesus set an in-out field to hopefully apply the squeeze
(A pincer manoeuvre if you will) and protect the decent total
right from the start. This, surprisingly, worked - Goffy bowled
3 good dot balls and from the 4th, induced the keeper (not
his day) to spoon a loopy one to mid-off, where Steve-O took
a regulation catch which would have been criminal to drop
(he might describe it differently). The next ball the helmeted
Centurion nicked one but James couldn't hold on, Centurions
1-1 off 1. 1-1 became 2-2 after Dave once again found the
edge of Nick's bat (see what I did there) and this time James
held on to take a good catch standing up to the stumps. After
Goff finished his spell with another good over (which went
for 10...) we ran into real controversy when Rob came on to
replace him. By this point centurions had their two big hitters
in, the one who normally opens the bowling batting 3 and the
large one with a Brizzle accent who normally hits it into
gardens at 4.
The Bristol Gardener was on strike (still in single figures
but having hit a six off DT) and after creaming one of Rob's
deliveries into his own toe tried to repeat the trick but
avoid his own feet. All he managed to do however, was loft
a steepling catch to cover, where Jesus, running round to
his right, calling loudly and hoping any Casuals near by were
not deaf/fit enough to get themselves underneath and collide
with him, managed to take a good grab. However, our friend
from Somerset was not happy and began loudly protesting that
the fielders at square-leg had been talking, to which he attributed
his miscued shot and the loss of his wicket. The 'fielders'
at square-leg turned out to be Dave (surprise) and their umpire,
who both looked a bit sheepish. Though the big fella was rather
vociferous in his protestations, Captain Jesus, however sympathetic,
was not to be swayed, explaining that if the fielders were
talking it was well within the batsmen's rights to step away
(something Jesus had actually done in our batting innings).
He trudged off after a bit of 'encouragement' from his own
umpire, though wasn't very happy (in fairness to him, however,
he did calm down and come back out to umpire and gave a couple
of touch and go decisions so no there were no hard feelings
by the end, though Richie might disagree...)
At this point the casuals were really in the driving seat,
though the number three was still around and the batsmen who
came in at 5 also gave the ball a fair old whack. Jesus cycled
through his bowlers and kept the run rate under control, and
though both batsmen 4 and 5 did retire, it took them a while
to do so. With wickets and retirements seeing the back of
centurion's decent batsmen, the less decent batsmen were in.
The highlight of this middle period was Richie's spell. Bowling
his first over, the 10th (typical Holliday fare that I won't
need to describe) bought loud shouts from the Centurions on
the sidelines to their batsmen to 'kill him' - which in fairness
in the first over they did do a little bit, hitting Richie
for a boundariy and a maximum to take 16 from the over. Back
for his second over, however, and the number 6 trying to continue
the 'killing' only managed to smack one straight at Will G
at mid-wicket who took an excellent catch much to the amusement
of Richie and the rest of the Cazh.
Jesus, Kim and Will G were left to bowl the final overs,
with centurions 3 down but with two retired. Jesus got a wicket
in his first (the 13th), the quick bowler stumped by James
and Will G followed this up with 2 wickets in his first -
bowling the number 7 leg stump, and a couple of balls later
repeating the trick with the number 9! Kim bowled the 15th
quite tidily, taking a wicket with his last ball bowling the
number 10, and with 3 overs to go the run rate was up above
15s with 47 required for victory. Kim's wicket brought the
number 3 back in and Will G bowled at least some of the 16th
at him, because during this over, he creamed one to stand-in
skipper Jesus at mid-wicket, who, engrossed in trying to work
out which bowlers needed to bowl from where, only managed
to let the ball burst through his hands. A boundary and some
good run meant centurions took 13 from this over, leaving
them 34 required from 2.
Kim volunteered to bowl he 17th (i.e was too scared to bowl
the last) but in fairness he bowled it well, going for only
7 and claiming the wicket of the number 11 bowled, bringing
the retired number 4 back in, but leaving Centurions with
only wicket in hand and 27 runs required for victory. First
ball of the final over, bowled by Jesus, was run off the face
by the number 4. Rob, fielding at gully, hared after it, fielded
it neatly, turned and lanced in an accurate throw to James
to whip off the bails, leaving the number 4 well short of
his ground running on the return leg of an ill-advised two
.
Centurions all out for 115. Casuals win by 25 runs. The huddled
and downtrodden peoples of the world rise up in solidarity
and celebration to proclaim to all ye high and mighty who
would lord it over us 'not today!', or something like that....
Casuals Bowling
G Day: 2 - 1 - 10 - 1
D Thomas: 2 - 0 - 3 - 1
R Owens: 2 - 0 - 12 - 1
S O'Reilly: 2 - 0 17 - 0
A Hood: 2 - 0 - 10 - 0
R Holliday: 2 - 0 - 23 - 1
W Goad: 2 - 0 - 17 - 2
W Mason-Wilkes: 1.1 - 0 - 7 - 1
K Swain: 2 - 0 - 12 - 2
Extras: W: 14, B: 3
Catches - Steveo,James,Goad, Jesus
Stumping - James
Run out - Rob O
We retired to the pub to feast our victory with mountains
of crisps and "Beer ... a high and mighty liquor"!
(Julius Caesar)
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