Match Report (Tour 2)
vs Bucklebury 14 September 2014 @ Yattendon Wenvoe
(Skipper Kim, report Britpop)
It's with great shame that I post this match report approx
369 days later than the match took place (a record Shakey?)
Curry, ducks, russian roulette, sherberts and shandy's, shisha
pipes, teqila, beers, shots, lapdancers, sleep deprevation
We started the day again with massive hangovers and a equally
massive breakfast, unfortunately we had been invited by Bucklebury
to arrive early at Yattendon for a pre game BBQ.
Unusually, and perhaps for the first time in their history,
the casual boys let the side down with their enthusiasm and
consumption of the BBQ food after the massive forementioned
So it was left to our rather posh team led by the unforgettable
captain chappy - Bingles (OMG what a cock) to gorge themselves
on the BBQ, while the casuals team led by Kims energy performed
a warm up of sorts.
This was clealy going to be a battle of the classes.
God knows who won the toss, but they ended up batting.
Old Bingles suprisingly opened the batting with himself and
got off to a decent and confident start with his fellow opener
before Dan bowled the twat.
Dan's fellow opening bowler Ed 'Cheesy Cheese' Stewart should
probably have also taken a wicket but unfortunatley Dan was
strolling around the bounday with a can of cider in one hand
and a fag in the other, and quite frankly looked like he couldn't
be bothered to put either down, and watched the ball sail
past him to the bounday. (Post match report defense - Dan
did try and place the can down in an upright position, but
by the time this was acheived, the ball had crossed the line).
For those of you that wern't there, I'm sure you know Ed well
enough to imagine his reaction (double double teapot)!
Luckily for Dan, in the next over, in what can only be described
as the finest 'jonty Rhodes or Derek Randle' type catch in
Casual living memory, Britpop plucked a ball out of the air
after leaping like a spring salmon to dismiss the other opener.
Despite one or two half decent partnerships, the casz did
pretty well over the next 20 overs, with Pete Obee ripping
the heart out of their middle order, and would have finished
with his 1st 5 wicket haul had Dan not dropped another on
the bounday (this time without a fag or a can for an excuse).
(Post match report defense - Dan was not going to put his
hands anywhere near the 'catch' as the ball was travelling
like an exorcet).
Unfortunately, we flagged a bit after drinks in the heat
of the afternoon, and with the short straight boundarys they
moved past 200 towards their final score of 214 before Dan
cleaned up their tail to finish with impressive figures of
I'm sure Holliday 0-37, Loveridge 0-27, Day 0-18 and Hood
0-15 all bowled beautifully but I can't remember sorry.
The casz had their appetites back at tea and made up for
their earlier poor showing at the pre match BBQ
Kim sorted the batting line up and went for pinch hitting
Steve'O up front with Tesh. Unfortunately for Steve'O he faced
the first over (supringly bowled by Bingles) and didn't last
to long after swiping across the line and getting his middle
stump flattened without troubling the scorers. So disgusted
was he, that he left early for South Wales (in the hope of
a cuddle as I remember).
Tesh played a steady knock while his fellow top order got
in and got out with both Ed and Gaz both hitting 32 stylish
runs a piece.
Unfortunately our captain fantastic got out for 5 and shortly
afterward was followed by Tesh who finished with 41.
Britpop and Richy then took it upon themselves to score
at a required rate of about 8 an over from the last 10 overs.
They both got off to a good start before Richy went for a
quick 15, Andy then joined Britpop in the middle and they
continued scoring at the required rate until Winkey was run
out by some pleb!
With 12 required off the final over, Goff joined Britpop
who by this time had moving into the 40's.
Suprisingly once again Bigles or bumbles or bingles decided
that he was best suited to bowling the final over (after opening
the batting and bowling).
5 runs were taken off the first 4 deliveries and with 6 needed
of the last 2 balls Britpop decided to walk down the wicket
and was skittled by the posh twat.
Dan then stode to the crease knowing that only a maximum
would do, he swung the willow, missed and then game was over
- the upper class had provailed and sealed the worst season
in Casual history.