Match Report vs Consmen
25 June 2013 @ Wenvoe (Skipper Shakey, report Britpop)
Now I have a poor memory at the best of times and this is
certainly not the best of times, so leaving this report a
week probably wasn't the best idea, although I must say the
more I forget about this particular match the better, but
we'll get to that later.
God knows who won the Toss but the Cazh took to the field
and the Consmen's openers strode to the crease to a rapturous
and generous applause.
Winky took the new ball and started right on the money with
just 2 runs coming off his 1st over, struggled a little in
his 2nd, came back well with a wicket in his 3rd over and
finished neatly with figures of 1-17.
His opening partner Pete 'The Kiwi' Tangy struggled with
his line and went for 12 off his first and continued in the
same fashion to finish with figures of 0-38.
Up stepped Dan next with what can only be described as a
mesmerising display of straight bowling, one by one they came
to the crease, and one by one they left with their egos and
middle stumps flattened.
Dan's figures of 5-9 of his 4 must be close to his best
and the best figures of the season for any casual, but I'll
leave that to a much more capable statto in Shakey to work
out.
The Brothers Stephens finished off the Consmen with some
terrific bowling from Pablo and some unplayable stuff from
Shakey with some lovely flight and guile to finish with 1-7
off 2 and 2-5 off 3 respectively.
Just a few mentions in the field, Dan backed up his fine
bowling display with a lovely run out, Gaz took a lovely catch
over his head at short cover and Ash ran his socks off to
keep the total modest.
So the Consmen finished on their 2nd highest total of the
season of 77 with their top scorer being us (extras).
Britpop and Tesh tickle were asked to pad up by Shakes with
a warning from Ash to 'FUCKING GET ON WITH IT' which clearly
put too much pressure on the nervy Mr Britton.
What followed was to all that had the displeasure to witness
it, one of the worst not out's in the Casuals 20 year history.
Britpop swished and swatted, huffed and puffed, but couldn’t
connect with the ball.
Test smacked a few and got out, Tim played a few lovely
shots in particular through the covers and got out, and in
between came the most contentious moment of the game.
In came their slowish right armer, Britpop swished again
and everyone in the ground clearly heard a nick apart from
himself and umpire Dan (who had be paid earlier). The appeals
reverberated around the ground and were most vocal from his
own team and waiting batsmen Ash and Gareth.
'Walk you useless c*nt' was one of the harsher comments
heard in the middle, but they were probably right and he really
should have put himself and everyone else out of their collective
misery.
But the selfish twat didn't and was soon joined at the crease
by the majestic Jesus Christ himself.
Jesus then met Britpop in the middle for some brief spiritual
healing and a few short prayers to try and help his hapless
partner out.
This seemed to do the trick and amazingly, and admittedly
with the help of some shocking fielding, he even managed a
couple of heaven sent boundary’s.
Will then confidently and quickly finished things off with
a sharp 17 to win the match in the 17th over to win by 8 wickets.
Jesus and his hapless YOUNG disciple strode off the pitch
to some harsh glares and to this day hasn't been spoken to
by at least 2 of the unused batsmen.
Sorry Ash and Gaz...................although in the years
to come people will forget how he got there, and it doesn't
half help ones average to have a couple of not outs in a season,
as another club member might say.....
Winky 4-17-1
Tangy 4-38-0
Dan 4-9-5
Brother Shakey 2.5-5-2
Brother Pablo 2-7-1
D Britton 23 NOT OUT,
Tesh 9&out
Tim 11 &out
Jesus 17 very quickly and also not out.
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