Match Report vs Barry
West End 22 July 2012@ Wenvoe (Skipper Ed, report Shakey)
Some of you will remember Dr Rubbish batting himself off
his feet and falling in a graceless huddle on the ground.
Some will remember Steve Stokes playing a pull shot and then
falling to the ground clutching his chest (to stop his fags
falling out of his chest pocket - oh we laughed). There was
also the time I impaled Rob Chase with a bat in the groin
running between the wickets. But for sheer comedy value we
had one priceless event today and who cares about the rest
of the match.
Winkie was bowling to the West End left hander who had played
some sumptuous extra cover and off drives and seemed to be
getting his eye in. The outfield, although covered in freshly
cut grass, was quicker than the dead wicket we were playing
on. So it was no surprise when a well-timed shot just wide
of the man at mid-off sped towards the boundary. Goff, the
fielder, must have sensed the ball was travelling fairly quickly
and his chances of cutting it off were slim. But then again
the ball was going slightly up the slope to the fence next
to the clubhouse. It may also hit a mound of grass and slow
up. I know, says Goff, I will pelt after it as fast as I can
and see what happens.
So Goff set off and ran as fast as he could. Maybe I could
do a dive, he thinks. Should I dive forward on my belly to
drag the ball back? Or should I run past the ball, dive to
the side of the ball, and drag it back?
Hmmm, not sure. Lets just keep running thinks Goff.
Goff runs and runs and then thinks.....
Fuck thats the fence!
Where did that come from. Quick, he thinks again with less
time now, lets dive on my belly in one last heroic act. Lets
save that near certain four.
There comes a time when any man approaches his limitations
and decides on his course in life. Goff found that time and......
well, he tripped. You can't run fast AND dive on your belly.
Goff tripped just as the ball crossed the faint white line
a few inches in front of the fence. A split second later an
airborne Goff, battling the laws of physics in a desperate
attempt to save his own face (in two ways), crashed head-first
into the fence.
In an instant four Casuals dropped to the ground in uncontrollable
laughter. Then Goff bouced back off the fence, did a double
pike and bound back to his fielding position, like Del Trotter
at the wine bar, hoping nobody had seen him crash gracelessly
and frighteningly into the fence (which was still shaking
with the force of the impact). Another two Casuals fell to
the floor as Goff vainly tried to ignore the enormity of his
He grinned, as if nothing had happened. He didn't say a word
- what could he say. Even Goff was lost for words.
A few seconds later and Goff stopped the very next ball, a
well-hit drive, with all the brilliance he had misplaced in
his previous attempt.
Priceless. Thanks Goff.
We won the toss. Had a good solid start, Kim hit a few. Britpop
helped Kim. Then Richie and Tom (Goff's nephew) had some fun
and we posted 196-6. Kim 83, Tom 34, Richie 31*.
Foxy did an excellent Tea with lots of cake and some very
After good initial chasing and lusty blows West End subsided
somewhat and were all out for 130. Winkie 2-20, Shakes 2-20.
A nice end to a glorious summers day at Wenvoe.
Thank you again Goff