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Match Report vs Cardiff Cavaliers 10 May 2009 @ The Cathedral School (Skipper BA and Report Porno)

The Cathedral school was the place and the time was 2.00pm and no we hadn’t started yet. Their skipper got a bit held up but nothing to worry about and weather was set fair if a little cloudy. Paul lost the toss and we were in the field. Rog opened up from the Pavilion end and Pabs from the rugby club end.

I played against the Cavs the other week and got stuffed but today they had almost completely a different team. The two opening bowlers did their stuff really well with Pabs making the breakthrough with a well executed one from the wrist!!!! A great ball. Rog at the other end suggested he wasn’t feeling 100% but the fact that he was blotto the night before may have had something to do with it. Actually a few members of the team today who you would expect to be the perkiest were a bit lax in the field and again this must be put down to the alcohol the night before. Monty though was just Monty! Thankfully the effects seemed to wear off as the overs passed and normal service was resumed from our young pups.

Rog finished his spell with no luck and this brought Crackerjack to the bowling crease and his first ball which was a full toss was slapped at a nice gentle pace back to him which he took with ease and cue a moments silence from us as we took in what really happened. Like I always say “you bowl plenty of good ones that don’t take wickets so don’t be ashamed when you get a wicket from dross”. Last week his first scoring shot was a six and this week his first ball gets a wicket. I have no idea what the score was at this stage as the book does not say.

Talking of taking wickets with dross I (porno) came on to replace Pabs at the far end. Firstly I am just happy that I can actually bowl and think back to Blaina where I couldn’t get it on the square hardly but it wasn’t coming out today as I hoped. Certainly not as good as it has been. Still with the help of Dewbs at mid wicket (who I had no doubt would catch it) I took a wicket which Paul had predicted at the end of my first over. With the first ball of my 3rd over the left hander cut one which was superbly caught by fellow short and fatty Crackerjack and this was top drawer. Thanks Crack!

Crack himself was going at the other end and picked up his 2nd wicket with a smart catch from Smitty despite the batter lingering a long time and not being best pleased. Crack finished his spell and was replaced by Tesh. I was replaced by the equally svelte Monty.

At the wicket now were the skipper Jimmy Marchant who is a class player and Steve Davis who does not give it away. Crack had started to get a bit frustrated as he could see no way through Davis but I reminded him that six dots would do us fine. He had been blocking almost everything but in the first over from Tesh he played two cracking shots through the leg side for two fours. Their skipper at the other end was going along nicely but some superbly tight bowling from Monty and Tesh meant the run rate was kept very low. This was also helped by Monty sprinting (well its all relative) to gather the ball. Not sure if he heard me but my word were something like “fuck me did you see the speed on that? You can tell it’s off his own bowling”. Anyway a great spell.

With 6 overs to go they were nearing 100 and this brought JR at one end and Winky at the other. The first ball of his second over saw a big swing from the skipper who had decided they had to get on with it. Unfortunately for him he missed and JR hit, bowled for a typically classy 34. The next guy in reminded me of Stewpot Stuart, not from Crackerjack but Grange Hill and the poor bloke had been stood with his pads on for ages playing his shots. He must have scored a ton stood on the side but the JR straight one did for him as he was bowled. JR did the same and took his third wicket in the over with another bowled. He repeated the trick in his last over with the JR special, the one that bounces and then almost rolls. As Tesh remarked, he seems to have bottled that delivery for his own personal use. Just before he started his spell JR gave blood to the cause when he ran around at 3rd man and did a slide (better than Muffs last Sunday as it stopped the ball) and left a huge divot and I think spiked himself. He looked for a moment as he might be down and out but he dusted himself down and proceeded to take four wickets. Steve (the nugget) Davis manfully kept his wicket intact from Andy and finished on 13 not out for a total of 102. The most exciting thing was when Smitty (also on the piss) let one trickle through his legs from Andy and hit the helmet!!!!

Figures are- I think

Rog-6-1-16-0----2 wides
Crack-6-1-15-2----4 wides
Tesh---6-0-24-0----2 wides

We took tea in the school which I have to be blunt, was not up to the same standard I have been spoilt with lately. Not that we didn’t get stuck in mind you!!

Smitty opened with Monty and their best bowler was behind the stumps which was a big help. Still they had a very handy left hander who was a bit unlucky as our boys played and missed a bit at the start but soon started to accumulate. Monty looking well set seemed to play around a straight one and was bowled for 14 in the 6th over. Fatbari as his close friends call him continued his good form with some good shots from the very slow pace of Davis which give you time to play several shots before the ball reaches you. Like Monty though he played around a straight one when looking well set and was bowled for 13 in the 12th with the score on 50 and almost halfway.

Smitty by now was looking well set and playing some sumptuous drives as well as the odd agricultural effort. Winky had joined him and was not going to give it away and with the Smithster doing nicely at the other end there was little need to do anything else. Smitts was pushing towards 50 and the only question was if we would reach the target before he got it. His close friends were wishing him to get out as we were told he won’t stop talking about it and I needed Rog to keep me awake as I was losing the will to live. In fact my scoring performance was not up to the usual standards so thanks for helping me out Rog. Smitts did indeed reach his 50 and the game was duly won in the 24th over.

These two fine clubs have many players and as I found to my cost the other week the Cavs can put out some really strong teams but today our 11 was too strong for them which on another day could be the other way around. Not the most exciting game but Monty got wood, Ed took a great catch, JR took 4 wkts and Smitty will be telling all his kids he got a 50!!! Only Dewbs was a bit unlucky as it worked out he didn’t get a bat or bowl but everyone else did a bit so well done Pabs for that. There were plenty of loud smelly farts to keep us warm when the sun went behind the clouds and Pabs has one photo on his phone we found out and yes it is a bit of f*nny. Somehow my mentioning about a birds t*ts in the beer garden prompted a mass exodus. I couldn’t remember who the 11th player was from Thursday but got there in the end when Doc was mentioned and we thought about him pulling his arse! Anyway on that note

Smitts- not out 56 off 82 balls in 76 mins inc 9 fours
Monty- 14 off 20 balls in 18 mins Inc 3 fours
Ash- 13 off 17 balls in 21 mins Inc 3 fours
Andy H- not out 10 off 27 balls in 36 mins

Tesh, Dewbs, JR, Crack, Pabs, Rog and Porno did not bat. Foxy came over to say hello and Ed finally managed to meet the club skipper.

[Ed: Congratulations to the Skipper for the day - Paul, as this game brought up his 350th appearance for the Casuals. - the most capped Cazh! Plus James Roath for bagging his 25th wicket] [Milestones]


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