Match report vs Sri Lankans
15June 08@ Morgan Jone,s Caerphilly (Skipper Pikey,
report Andy F)
Most of us met at Churchills with dark clouds looming and
on the way to Caerphilly it was pissing down and we feared
the worst. After reading Paul’s rant before I left I
can tell you that he seemed in very good spirits and told
me he left several paragraphs out of the finished article.
Elton John I am told was being played in the Smittymobile
so I missed a little treat on the way but chatting to captain
Pike in his car was enjoyable enough though no stories of
scouts wanking in tents I am afraid.
At the ground it was raining and it seemed we wouldn’t
play but lo and behold the clouds rolled away and off we went
put into the field. Paul opened from the pavilion end and
Rog the far end and very good our opening spell was too. Paul
was even happier when he bowled the opener in the third over.
We don’t have fall of wicket in the book but I can tell
you the score was on 4. This brought their skipper (young
guy who wears the wide floppy hat if you know who I am on
about).
There was a very dodgy run when the ball was hit to short
cover and Pikey flopped down and stopped it while the batters
were yes and no somewhere in the middle of the wicket. Pikey
(albeit on his arse, though he did have time to get up) threw
a crap throw to Smitts who had to go to his right to collect
the ball and then aimed to hit the stumps from close range
to try and run out their skipper. Instead of hitting the stumps
Smitts only managed to throw the ball into their skippers
head as he tried to scramble home. I was at square leg and
can quite confidently say that there is no way despite me
backing up that I would have stopped the ball going to the
boundary had it not hit his head. Unfortunately in hitting
his head the poor bloke was lying on the ground in a bit of
a daze. Cue lots of people crowding around to see if he was
Ok and thankfully he was but still had to retire hurt.
This brought Siva to the wicket who does not fail much against
us although Shakey will tell you he has the wood on him. (Not
gives him wood as Goughy would say). Rog at the other end
bowled the other opener in over 6 with actually not one of
his better balls but it kept low and was straight. About 12
for 2 in the 6th. These two bowlers continued until they had
bowled 6 each with Paul 1 for 13 and Rog one for 16 at this
stage.
Tesh came on to bowl for Paul and Fox for Rog and from here
on in I never left the boundary under the trees on the far
side which is where I like to be but meant I wasn’t
quite in the thick of it. I walked on to the boundary thinking
Tickle was going to bowl spin but it was seam up. One of the
hardest things about doing a match report is writing about
things when they don’t quite go to plan. Now I am not
sure how much exactly the umpire knew what he was doing and
it was hard from my distance and the book is a bit of a mess
but Tesh bowled 11 wides, one no ball and went for 46 runs
but he also managed to take two wickets. His choice to go
back to spin working. The first wicket I thought he would
get if he got it right and indeed he popped one up to Pikey
at short mid-wicket. The second was against Fari who was looking
good but Tesh bowled him a beauty to bowl him with his last
ball. “I would say well bowled Tesh but I can’t
really” were more words as we laughed. Shakey said “you
watch, I will bowl really well now and not get f*ck all!”
89 for 4 at the end of the 19th. Foxy was bowling well at
the other end while Mark took over from Tesh.
Siva by now had gone to 50 which was a delayed reaction as
the scorers had obviously no idea what he was on. Fear not
though as the magic touch of Monty did for Siva again as he
had him caught superbly by Tesh at short extra. Mark reminded
me after how many wickets he is now in front of me! At this
stage most of us thought we were in with a good chance at
around 95 for 5. Foxy got in on the act with a great ball,
bowled at about 109 for 6 in the 24th.
This meant though that retired skipper had returned to the
crease. Shakes continued to bowl his full 8 while Dewbs took
over from Fox. Again I was at a distance but Dewbs bowled
two overs for 18 so Foxy took over again to finish his 8.
The returned skipper now got about us a bit while the guy
at the other end ran so slow that he should join us. The skipper
hit quite a few fours and took his score to 48 but captain
Pikey who had come on after Foxy stopped him getting to 50
as he tried one big shot too many and was bowled trying to
hit it a long way. Very good innings. There were two run outs
including the super slow guy who slipped half way down plus
one or two that should have been. Paul and Rog came back to
bowl the last four and from 109 for 6 in the 24th to 208 at
the end of forty.
The brass band was playing during the innings and Pikey told
me later he liked it best when they played the music from
Brassed Off. I was clueless although I did see Tara Fitzgerald
close up and her knickers a couple of years ago. My fave tune
was Ticket to Ride. Earlier Pikey came over to Paul and asked
him how he felt to carry on and Paul said “yeah see
if I can get Siva out for the first time” to which I
replied “first time for everything”. To this Paul
came out with”yeah like cracking one off to a tranny”.
This as you can imagine amused me greatly as it did Paul who
seemed in very good spirits indeed.
I must mention the amount of times Smitts took off the bails
especially when keeping to Rog. The batter was standing outside
his crease but would step back in before the super quick hands
of Smitts did the biz. I would say he took the bails off more
times than Julio Iglesias has ripped off some birds knickers
but of course the one time he did actually step out he missed!!!The
umpire from square leg got fed up in the end and said f*ck
it let him do it. The other thing from my point of view was
how to dodge the dog shit while on the boundary. Anyway tea
was taken with 209 to win with a nice tea but in the most
unglamorous surroundings of the changing rooms.
I thought I would umpire today so I followed Paul out as
Ash and Smitts followed. Ash faced first up and played out
two dots before being bowled. 0 for 1 after 3 balls. Rich
came in and hit his first ball for four and then proceeded
to give catching practice. Luckily they need it as two identical
shots to mid on were dropped by the super slow guy and also
a huge appeal for caught behind was turned down as it came
off the pad. The keeper got very excited and ran in front
of Rich. Paul was unmoved and I explained a bit later that
he would have walked. Debate ensues if Rich gave 3 or 4 chances
but when he was finally bowled he had scored 18 and we were
31 for 2 in the 8th.
For the first 11 overs things were all slow with a spot of
leggy but that changed in over 12 as Fari came on to bowl-quick.
Firstly he had Smitty bowled off the inside edge for 8 which
brought in Shakes. The first ball of his third over was a
high full toss that caught shakey on the hand, cue second
batsman to fall on the floor today in pain. As we were all
crowded round I saw Paul (who was now not umpire) had walked
all the way to the middle to spout comments such as “if
he bowls one of them again it will be the last one he ever
bowls” plus several other certain comments that I cant
quite quote but I think you get the picture. Anyway after
several minutes Shakey got back up, winced as he played the
next one, hit a four not long after then shouted aggressively
at some daft arse cow with her little sh*t machine and purple
ball behind the bowlers arm (I think he was a bit wound up)
(ED- apologies but I can't take out all the swear words, it
would take too long, therefore I'll try and put * where ever
possible) and then got bowled by the extra ball due to the
no ball. The ball kept low and Shakey gone for ten. 46 for
4 in the 16th. Pikey fell in a very similar way in his next
over and was bowled for 7. 53 for 5 in the 18th and things
looking bad. This became 64 for 6 as Dewbs fell the same way
to Fari in the 22nd and 209 seemed a very long way off.
Tesh had now come in and played the quickie very well, Paul
came in smiling a faced two balls from him and that was the
end of his spell of 6 overs 4 for 17. Paul and Tesh took us
past a 100 with some good shots and Tesh hitting the ball
very hard through mid on especially. Paul seemed to have his
batting touch back before trying to smack Siva through the
on side and was bowled for a good 19 and 103 for 7 in the
31st. Rog came in next, hit a lovely shot through the covers
for a 3 but then hit a wide full toss high in the air at deep
point and was caught for 3. 106 for 8 in the 32nd.
Tesh was still going along nicely in what was almost certainly
the best innings I have seen him play. This was ended by attempting
a second bye but being sent back by Foxy, the fact that he
left his bat on the ground made little difference as he was
run out for a very very good 25 and at 113 for 9 the end was
nigh. Another slightly bizarre run out and we have had a few
of them recently.
With 6 overs left and Tesh now out I had no intention of
hanging around and had a look at one and then tried to twat
everything. Most of it just seemed to go up in the air though.
The first time I got away with it as super slow guy dropped
a high one. Next time I was not so lucky and was caught by
a good catch from one I hit high to long on for 7. All out
for 122 and lost by loads.
The usual mixture of good cricket to absolute crap from us
with Fari knocking the guts out of us. We were told after
that he can be all over the place and was recently hit for
20 odd in one over at St Fagans. Today though he was on the
spot (well mostly) and when the ball does things at a decent
pace it is hard to adjust. I thought Pikey captained very
well and at the end of the day we were beaten by a better
11.
I thought Smitty placed a good proper innings although the
score would not suggest so. Rich had a very entertaining little
knock, Tesh batted brilliantly and Paul has got himself into
a bit of form. Paul also bowled well as did Rog, Foxy (figures
don’t do him justice), Shakes and Pikey chipped in at
a difficult time to bowl. Our fielding was the usual mixture
but overall pretty good with only Foxy dropping a catch that
to be fair was a toughy for man of 60 plus.
At least we got a game in which seemed unlikely. Afterwards
we went to Groesfaen from the invitation of Brian and most
of the talk was about Chepstow races and my porn collection
and how Limeware has saved me lots of space but that Paul’s
collection is much bigger than mine. How did Dan get on with
Pikeys missus mate and not an Ebbw Vale bum rub in sight
Paul 8-2-26-1 2wides 1 nb
Rog 8-1-29-1 1 wide
Tesh 4-0-46-2 eleven wides 1 nb
Fox 8-0-47-1 1 wide
Mark 8-2-24-1 1 wide
Dewbs 2-0-18-0 2 wides
Pike 2-0-9-1
The book said 10 runs for Pikey but he was adamant it was
9 so I have checked and he is correct with his own Roachey
moment
Ash 0-3 balls
Smitty 8-24 balls
Rich 18-27 balls 3 fours
Mark 10-25 balls 1 four
Pike 7-16 balls 1 four
Dewbs 6-16 balls 1 four
Tesh 25-38 balls 3 fours
Paul 19-25 balls 2 fours
Rog 3- 6 balls
Fox not out 2 7 balls
Furny 7 6 balls 1 four
Revenge in a couple of weeks please!
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