Casuals vs. Sri Lankans
18th June 2006 at Morgan Jones Park, Caerphilly (skipper
Dan, report - Andy F)
Firstly I apologise for any incorrect stuff as I don't have
the book but Dan did write down most of the important stuff
for me so here goes and at least its prompt.
A couple of unusual things happened to me this weekend -
firstly I witnessed a batsman make a century and then a bowler
take all ten wickets on Saturday. Then something even more
incredible than that- I turned up at Churchill's before anyone
Everyone turned up with an A to Z but it appears everyone
found it OK including Steve and Foxy. After the horrible experience
of last years venue we were back at Morgan Jones Park. It
should be nice and in a way is, but also has a few of dodgy
features as well. The outfield on one side had more cracks
than a Bangkok massage parlour and the other side I am told
was littered with dog poo. The wicket didn't look good which
is not always an indication that it would play badly but this
looked bad and was indeed sh*t.
We bowled first with Andy Hood and captain Dan in tandem.
Andy's first ball was an indication that it would not be a
day for batters and so it proved. Steve was behind the stumps
and a few people I won't mention were worried but Dan had
little choice and the doting father with new baby in tow was
indeed behind the stumps. This meant of course lots of fucking
around while he got his pads and gloves right etc. Steve was
in the action pretty early and took the most obvious caught
behind off Andy that meant all of us (except me -too lazy)
had gathered in a huddle around Steve to look back in disbelief
that the finger had not gone up.
Not that this mattered too much as the same bat hit one straight
to Kevin Mavely at cover off Dan and 8 for 1. Although the
wicket was doing all sorts as well as movement through the
air- Lewis and Hood were bowling well and mostly in the right
areas. Hood took his first well deserved wicket with one that
kept a bit low and despite being twatted extremely hard twice
by one batter had his own back when the same bat inside edged
one on to his body and then popped up to a diving Steve who
was justly delighted with his catch. They were then 19 for
The guy at the other end looks to me like he taught the Karate
Kid and is a good bat as he proved against us last year. He
was involved in shocking decision number two. Firstly he let
the ball hit him and then ran which was wrong and then on
the way back for the second was quite clearly out with his
bat feet off the ground as well as being short. The old guy
who umpired both innings gave not out- ouch! Again though
this proved not to be too costly.
Dan bowled 6-2-6-1 and Muff took over from his end while
Andy continued at the other to finish with 8-1-23-2. Muff
got very excited when he saw it was swinging but had trouble
in his first over controlling it. In fact Dan asked how much
he had paid the old guy umpire as some were a bit wide to
say the least. He obviously didn't like Kevin much as later
he wided him for some that were quite harsh. Second over though
Muff got it right and did from there on.
Somewhere around this time the brass band stated playing
in the background. Despite playing a song from the worlds
most famous bum boy I managed to restrain myself from singing
but this proved beyond Steve as he attempted to sing Ticket
to Ride while behind the stumps. Clever bollocks (me) asked
Steve what was the B side to Ticket to Ride? He mentioned
something about Please Mr Postman and then said "to be
honest mate I don't even know which band it is". Steve
obviously not a big fan of the Fab Four. Paul also mentioned
to me that a good blow is most welcome on a Sunday and I said
yes it gives me the horn!
When we play the Sri Lankans the result by and large depends
on how many Seeva gets. Normally he gets a few and is the
difference between the teams but today Muff was too good for
him as he edged one to Steve who took another good catch and
we knew that was a big wicket. Full marks to the batsman for
walking as well. Muff also had one LBW, one bowled that rolled
but the shot was awful and a catch taken by Shakes. This was
notable as only minutes earlier Shakey had fallen on his arse
while the ball was up in the air and despite Steves shout
of "get up" was unable to recover. This was off
the bowling of Foxy who was not upset for long as he had the
bloke who taught the Karate Kid caught by Muff next ball.
A crap full toss yes but who cares. The Fox also had an LBW
which Foxy thought hit him on the pad while the bat said hit
him on the thigh. He was low down but it looked high from
side on so we had some decisions go for and against us now.
At the fall of the ninth wicket they were 65 so Dan took
Muff off to make sure Kevin had a bowl while Foxy bowled a
few more before Muff swapped ends. Their number ten had the
most unusual style and at first looked like Foxy was bowling
too quick for him. He left the ball in the most elaborate
way and then somehow managed to start scoring while the number
11 could bat a bit too and from 65 they found themselves at
95 until Kevin trapped the number ten in front so 95 all out
in 32 overs. Foxy finished with 6-2-11-2, Kevin 4-1-16-1 and
Muff with 7-2-21-4. Great stats were had by all.
Early on after a wicket I asked in the huddle what would
be a good score on this wicket and Shakes said he didn't want
to chase anything over 100. 120 he thought would be too much
so with 96 to win we knew it would be hard but within our
Tea was consumed and Mark and Easy opened up. Mark faced
and the first two balls landed in similar areas but one lifted
a bit while the other kept low which just about summed it
up. Mark fell for four after hitting one to Seeva at short
extra cover and in his own words I must get over the ball.
4 for 1 and it was going to be a struggle. The change bowler
at the far end was one I hadn't seen before and was pretty
quick (very quick for me) and was swinging it plus the pitch
so it was not a piece of cake by any means. ( how do you get
a fat bird into bed? piece of cake) This geezer did for Paul
with one that kept low for 4 and Easy caught and bowled? for
7 which was a gutsy performance. 24 for 3 and Ed (Yosser as
I was calling him as he is after a job) in for his first bat
of the season and his first scoring shot a four and followed
by a couple of good blows (almost had his head taken off as
well) before falling to the inevitable yorker. As Ed said-you
only need to lose concentration for one ball- Ed normally
does this with yorkers. Ed made 10 and Steve also hit a couple
of lusty blows before also being bowled by same bowler for
11 and came off berating himself. Marks words were "
now we are in trouble" as we were 35 for 5. The band
continued in the background and played "There may be
trouble ahead" which caused a few chuckles. Soon we were
42 for 6 as poor Kevin couldn't cope with the bowling and
was bowled for 0.
Enter Muff and Captain Dan. They faced the quick guy for
a bit and kept him out and then the bowling changed. The sun
started to come out and gradually things started to look brighter
for us. Dan hit some big blows and Muff went about his business
and the score passed 50, 60 , 70 and with Foxy, Hood and Furnham
Jnr still to come the elusive 13th straight victory was now
in our grasp. They brought the quick guy back but it was too
late. Muff dispatched him just wide of mid off for 4 and Dan
took us to within four as he hit a wonderful six in a similar
area- two balls later he was bowled as the bowler claimed
victim number 6 and Casuals number 7. Dan had top scored with
26 in what was a tremendous knock from the captain and a partnership
of 50 which in the context of this match was truly outstanding.
A pity he couldn't quite see it through.
Foxy had to face three from fast guy and despite a bit of
luck on the second played a wonderful shot from the third
down to third man and with Easy egging him on picked up two.
Also this kept Muff on strike and with the help of a wide
and single Muff was waving his bat in the air in celebration
with Mrs Muff clapping politely. A day Muff will want to remember
with 4 wickets and 16 not out. History was made with win number
13 since our last defeat.
One more joke- what do you do if your lover is overweight?
You make her walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles at night
for a week. By the end of the week the fat b*tch will be 42
Sorry about that and feel free to correct anything as I can't
always tell what happened when I am filming.
We all managed to find the pub in Whitchurch and the highlight
for me was seeing one of the mums of the kids I teach to swim.
At least it was when she was walking away from me and through
the dress I could make out a lovely set of French knickers.
Sad I know but remember I was unable to bowl or bat so I have
to get my personal excitement somewhere else.