GLIDER
As suggested by the title, the glider is a ball that
spends an astounding 86.2% of its life in mid-air. A
strait, flighty tempter, the glider acts as a decoy
to draw both experienced and novice batsmen alike into
the ‘across the line slog’. Eventually,
if employed accurately obtaining either a strait forward
bowled wicket, or a draw due to the deteriorating light.
The basic run up for a glider is 2 ¼ steps (size
5 ½ shoe). Your speed should be tempered to a
specific velocity which almost gives the impression
that your are able fend off the effects of Riga mortise
for barely a matter of moments and no more. To maintain
the correct run up speed, first start practising the
glider with an old person on a stair lift. Side by side
for three stairs and then release, making sure your
release is no-where near the old person, as this might
result in ‘a bit of a mess’
The release. Imagine you are driving in your motor
vehicle and your mobile phone starts giving it a large
Nokia beat. Aware of the current ‘Reichesque’
attitude towards the use of mobile phones whilst driving,
you correctly pull over, by chance, into a bus lane,
shut off the engine and answer your call. Only for a
fucking traffic warden to appear out of bollocking nowhere
to slap a ticket on your windscreen before miraculously
disappearing back up his own arsehole where he belongs.
Image if indeed he wasn’t the biggest arsehole
on the planet, and had somehow encountered difficulty
whilst attempting to disappear up his own arsehole.
What hand gesture would you use to acknowledge the hardworking
traffic wardens dedication to upholding UK traffic law?
Right! This is the basic grip for handling the glider.
Place the seam betwixt the two ‘v-sign’
fingers, and cradle in the palm of your hand with your
thumb. Now place your thumb tip (if right handed) on
the side of the seam closet to your ‘medial digit’
(if left handed, go back to school). Simply flick your
thumb on release as if disposing of a cleverly excavated
boogy from the tip of your forefinger. When releasing
the glider your arm must be no lower than ‘as
far back as is humanly possible without tearing your
shoulder ligaments’, and no higher than ‘as
far back as is humanly possible without tearing your
shoulder ligaments’.
Your arm. The arm plays a vital role in the art of
bowling (unless your playing blind cricket in which
case – good luck). All the best practitioners
of the glider have the unique ability to rest both hands,
and ball on the summit of their abdomen whilst WALKING
in for their delivery, saving vital energy, calories
and therefore poundage for the long trek back to their
(or someone else’s) car at the end of the day.
It is essential that your WALK up and action are in
no way associated and two separate entities. Eventually
when reaching the point at which your arm is employed,
think back to your primary school days; to Mrs. Toastybaps,
and the game ‘wonky windmills’. Nb. Any
further regression may lead to memories that are best
left where they are . . . . . Steve. Simply swing your
arm SLOWLY in the fashion of a wonky windmill, and release
almost immediately – don’t fight it–
if it feels natural, and your happy – then the
release is appropriate.
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